One of you may be hopeful. The other may be tired of hoping. You might want help and still be unsure whether anything can change. That uncertainty can make even booking an appointment feel like a decision about the whole relationship.
An initial conversation can make room for different starting points. You can describe what hurts, what you still value and what you are unsure about. Each partner needs freedom to speak honestly about their willingness and limits.
In my Imago work, I begin by attending to the interaction between you. What happens when you reach for each other? Where does the conversation lose safety? What helps each of you remain present? We look at the pattern together and consider what support is appropriate.
When it is safe and both are willing, a brief guided dialogue can give you an experience to reflect on. One person speaks; the other mirrors, validates and empathises; then you change roles. Afterwards, we can ask what happened between you while you were listening and being heard.
Some couples experience a moment of contact. Others find the structure unfamiliar or remain guarded. Either response deserves attention. A difficult beginning is information about the support needed, and a hopeful moment still needs practice and follow-through.
A Couples Intensive creates a longer period of focused work. My three-day intensive in Pretoria gives you time to explore recurring patterns, practise Imago Dialogue and develop ways to care for your relationship afterwards. It is a substantial commitment, so the decision needs to fit your circumstances and be freely made by both partners.
We also consider what continued support may be needed. An intensive begins work that you will carry into ordinary days: respectful dialogue, prompt repair, daily appreciation and agreements you can keep. There is no need to promise a particular outcome before exploring whether the process is right for you.
Begin with an honest invitation
If it feels safe to ask, try: ‘Would you be willing to find out with me what help could look like?’ Give your partner room to answer without persuasion. You can each name what you would need to know before considering an intensive.
Questions about the process, practical arrangements and readiness are welcome. An enquiry is a place to explore those questions and establish an appropriate next step.
Contact Kobus van der Merwe to discuss whether a Couples Intensive would be a suitable next step for your relationship.
Enquire about the Couples Intensive